Finding Purpose

A young friend saw me make a comment on Facebook late Saturday night and took the chance that I would answer my phone. The strain in his voice revealed his mental struggle as much or more than his words did. He said he wanted an objective opinion from an experienced parent, someone unrelated to himself. To protect his privacy, all I can say is that this person expressed fears about his future and some big decisions he gets to make and some of the challenges that are making those decisions complicated.

I felt impressed to ask him "If you were promised that [in making a particular decision] you could not fail, would you be more inclined to go with that choice?" I was trying to find out if fear of failure was really the only thing holding him back from making his decision. He told me he doesn't want to start something and not be able to see it through to the end. He doesn't want to disappoint his family or friends. But I think most of all, like all the rest of humanity, he doesn't want to feel like a failure.

Fast forward to today: I woke up this morning feeling the same way I ended the day before -- out of sorts, disconnected, annoyed and feeling stuck in that glass box again. But I made myself get out of bed. Actually, I thought I heard the trash truck and leaped out of bed and hollered "Doug, the trash truck!" Then I stumbled, bleary-eyed, back to the bed and threw myself across it as Doug stepped into the room and whispered, "It's only Monday. The trash guys come on Tuesday. That was a construction truck." Ugh.

Of course, now I was wide awake. I buried my head under the pillow. I heard Doug whistling a hymn in the shower. I fell out of bed to my knees and thought a quick prayer. Doug had already fixed himself breakfast, but he still needed a lunch for work so I headed down the stairs to the kitchen. As I prepared his bagel and threw a brownie and some fruit in a brown paper bag, I made a mental list of to-do stuff. The number of tasks grew long enough that I decided to write things down. As I pondered my priorities, I thought about my young friend. I offered a more sincere prayer and I remembered something important. I remembered who I am. I remembered that Heavenly Father placed me here at this time and in this place for a specific purpose.

Whoa! Just like that, my glass box exploded into a gazillion sparkling particles. As light filled my heart, I felt hope and peace and joy. It took  the desire to do the right thing. It took faith to get out of bed and pray and ask for strength and clarity of thought. That desire and those acts of faith invited the Spirit, which enlightened my mind and eliminated Satan's chatter of negativity.

I wrote my friend a new message. I told him how amazing he is and how grateful I am for his example and friendship to our family. I thanked him for helping me remember who I am and for bringing light back into my life! I told him that as he remembers who he is, he will know what path to take. And as he recognizes his purpose, he will succeed in all of his endeavors. It won't be easy. But it will be worth every ounce of effort he can give.

As I  continue fine tuning this blog, I hope to fulfill a purpose of strengthening home and family and sharing the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. What helps you discover or remember your purpose? What topics would you like to see discussed on this blog? I'm sure my passion for all good things - family, chocolate, baking, nature, music and books and food will all find a place here. Most of all, I hope that after you read my blog you'll feel hope and joy and know that you are loved!

 Looking at this picture of our daughter makes me smile! We have a big beautiful world at our feet!

hugs~
 

Dogs, Friends, and Humility

Lesson of the week:

1 Dog + 1 open box of mouse poison = attempted doggie suicide.

I left the house just before 8:00 am to take the kids to school and head off to yoga. I returned home about 9:15am. Gentry greeted me with his usual doggie "Hi, I'm so glad you're home, something happened while you were gone" routine. Usually this means someone called and left a message, or someone came to the door, but he didn't let them in. There were no messages on the answering machine. We have had a number of burglaries in the neighborhood, so I began looking around the house to make sure doors were locked and everything was in place. When I got to the top of the stairs, I spotted a glue trap, upside down, in the middle of the hallway. When I picked the trap up and inspected it, I found white doggie hair on it; evidence that Gentry had been in forbidden territory--the master bedroom. I entered my room to replace the glue trap--we caught a mouse in there just the night before--and to my horror, discovered an empty container of mouse poison. Bits of the deadly stuff were scattered here and there around the chair, and I knew immediately that our mischievous pup had helped himself to a ride to doggie heaven. I ran down the stairs and looked him over. He seemed fine. He looked back at me with his usual doggie grin, lolling tongue, drool and all. I called my husband and asked him what he thought I should do. I knew I needed to call the vet, but I didn't know if we had the funds needed to pay for said vet. Doug told me to go ahead and take Gentry to the animal hospital to see what they could do.

At the animal hospital, Gentry took one step inside the doors and put on the brakes. The floor was slippery so I literally dragged the poor dog to the front desk. He was admitted immediately and the vet explained the entire procedure. One shot to make Gentry throw up anything left in his stomach. It was a good thing to take him in less than two hours after ingestion. It looked like most of the stuff he ate was still in his stomach. Another shot to give him Vitamin K. Another shot to bind up anything left in the intestinal tract. IV therapy to flush out his kidneys. Pick him up at 5:30pm and give him Vit. K tablets for the next three weeks. One trip to the vet, $350.00. Bringing home a healthy, living pet, priceless.

Today after yoga, I stopped to visit with a couple of other ladies in the class. I knew one gal from working out at Curves. She asked about the house situation in Phoenix. The other lady mentioned that her husband is a contractor and has been out of work for a year. Then she broke down and said that things have been so bad that her worst fear is that they will go through all of this and then her husband will die from all the stress. She stated that she is at the point that she would just rather die than have to endure any more. The three of us talked about personal experiences with challenges and depression. We shared ideas about how to cope and how we get through the toughest times. She mentioned her desire to write a book. I told her that I belong to a writer's group and we talked about that for a bit. She expressed and interest in ANWA and I told her I was trying to get a chapter started up here. She said she wants to come...then she said with excitement, "Finally, I have something to live for!"

Yep, it has been an interesting week. I wonder what -ity word I would apply to this week...definitely humility would be one of them. I do truly feel humbled that something I said or did could serve as a light for someone else in need. Serving others is the best pick-me-up of all. I love witnessing how when you share your light with others, your own light doesn't diminish, it gets brighter. What a miracle!

So my intentions of posting every day seemed to have been thwarted rather effectively. However, I have also had time to think about a couple more -ity words...dependability, tranquility, and something else...ummm...uhhh...sigh...I even wrote it down...somewhere. Oh well...here is what I've learned so far.

During our move from Arizona to Utah, I decided that one of the advantages of moving to an area with a high concentration of members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints would be the ability to "hide out" for awhile and rest from the many responsibilities that filled my life before. Perhaps if we had moved to more transient area, where members are almost overwhelmed by newbies, that would have been possible. However, we moved into a ward that hadn't seen more than two or three new families in a couple of years. Ward members flocked to our home, laden with smiles, hugs, and yummy treats. Everyone went out of their way to make us feel comfortable...and useful. In a matter of a couple of weeks, I found myself fully participating in Relief Society activities, ward choir, stake choir, a new calling in Family History, and agreeing to substitute teach a Sunday lesson. When a member of the Bishopric called and asked me to speak in Sacrament meeting the same day I had agreed to teach, I accepted the responsibility, and then went to my room and cried. Then I prayed.

Responsibility is an interesting word. I am fascinated by the way the meaning of a word changes when you look at it from a different angle...responsibility as an adjective, rather than a noun. I looked at the word "responsibility" and pondered on my recent degree of response. Yes, on the surface, I responded politely and quickly to the call to serve and speak, but what about on the inside? What quality of "response" did I really make? I agreed to speak, but did I agree happily, or did I agree grudgingly?

I looked up responsibility in the Bible dictionary and found myself directed to "accountability" and "stewardship." Luke 12: 35 -48 stood out in the references. Here is an account of the Savior teaching a parable of a faithful and wise steward. Verse 35 begins by telling us, "Let your loins be girded about, and your lights burning;" Then verse 36 tells us "and ye yourselves like unto men that wait for their lord, [this part sounds like active members of the Church] when he will return form the wedding; [Remember the ten virgins?] that when he cometh and knocketh, they may open unto him immediately." I turned to Matthew 25 and reviewed the parable of the ten virgins. Men and women, with lights and lamps, waiting for the Savior's return. They all know what is expected of them. They know what their responsibilties are, but some of the virgins neglect their responsibilities and some of the men "beat the menservants and maidens" and become drunken. What if we compare their lights and lamps to our temple recommends? The responsibilities we carry out to qualify us for a temple recommend are the oil that fill those lamps, and keep our lights burning. We know what is expected of us. Our "response-ability" takes on new meaning here. Are we responsive to the things asked of us or are we becoming complacent and "hiding out?"

Verse 39 gives us a warning: "And if the goodman of the house had known what hour the thief would come, he would have watched, and not have suffered his house to be broken through." By watching over and caring for our responsibilities, we can defend not only ourselves, but our homes and everyone and everything in it. The Lord promises the good and faithful steward that he will be made "ruler over all that he hath." There is another -ity word that comes into play here: dependability. If we are dependable, we will respond (give response) to the needs of others. The Lord depends on us to fulfill our responsibility to love and serve others, to keep the commandments and endure to the end --when He comes again and holds us accountable for our stewardships.

I no longer desire to "hide out." I'm excited about the learning process I am going through as I study to teach that Sunday lesson and I look forward to the opportunity to express my gratitude and my testimony about the new insights that are given to me as I prepare that Sacrament meeting talk. I will continue to explore more -ity word, too. Come visit me once in awhile and see how I am progressing...just so I can be held to a degree of accountability!

Week One of the -ity Experiment

Week One:
I decided to make a list of all the -ity words I could come up with:
charity, responsibility, integrity, accountability, fidelity, civility, nobility, humility, dignity, generosity, respectability, community, creativity, opportunity, curiosity, productivity, affinity, diversity, humanity, infinity, luminosity, necessity, equality, identity, reality, personality, tenacity, continuity, and insanity (we are so not going there!).

Next, I went to Google and looked up the suffix-ity. Google sent me to www.wordinfo.info/words where I found the following information.

"Latin: suffix used to form abstract nouns expressing act, state, quality, property, or condition corresponding to an adjective)"

There I found 18 pages of -ity words, many of which I either can't spell or pronounce, or they don't apply to the purpose of this blog. I did find sagacity, (which has possibilities) seniority ( getting there too fast as it is), and a really fun one - pecuniosity. It means: "The state or fact of being supplied with money." Now that is a fun -ity word that I am sure many of us would have no qualms about trying to develop! Serendipity was listed: "an accidental or chance discovery." Pseudoserendipity showed up as well: "A description of accidental discoveries of ways to achieve an end sought for, in contrast to the meaning of (true) serendipity, which describes accidental discoveries of things not sought for."

I had fun learning new -ity words, but I am not interested in developing a talent for sesquipedality ("The practice of using abnormally long words"). My goal is to develop states of being for myself that will bring me closer to who I really am: A daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me. A child of God. A spiritual Being having a mortal experience. I am reminded that no matter how many big words I learn, it always circles back to the basics of the gospel: Faith, repentance, baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost, obedience and enduring to the end. Developing those virtuous -ity qualities described by Bishop Burton will help me achieve my goal.

So, where do I begin? What -ity do I choose first? I'll narrow it down to the first 10 I listed earlier: responsibility, integrity, accountability, fidelity, civility, nobility, humility, dignity, generosity, charity. I moved charity to the end of the list because the Bible Dictionary describes charity as "The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ. it is never used to denote alms or deed or benevolence, although it may be a prompting motive." 2 Nephi teaches us that if we have not charity, we are nothing...so I am hoping that as I come to develop the other nine -ity qualities, I will be more prepared to understand the concept of true charity.

Tomorrow...responsibility.