Finding Purpose

A young friend saw me make a comment on Facebook late Saturday night and took the chance that I would answer my phone. The strain in his voice revealed his mental struggle as much or more than his words did. He said he wanted an objective opinion from an experienced parent, someone unrelated to himself. To protect his privacy, all I can say is that this person expressed fears about his future and some big decisions he gets to make and some of the challenges that are making those decisions complicated.

I felt impressed to ask him "If you were promised that [in making a particular decision] you could not fail, would you be more inclined to go with that choice?" I was trying to find out if fear of failure was really the only thing holding him back from making his decision. He told me he doesn't want to start something and not be able to see it through to the end. He doesn't want to disappoint his family or friends. But I think most of all, like all the rest of humanity, he doesn't want to feel like a failure.

Fast forward to today: I woke up this morning feeling the same way I ended the day before -- out of sorts, disconnected, annoyed and feeling stuck in that glass box again. But I made myself get out of bed. Actually, I thought I heard the trash truck and leaped out of bed and hollered "Doug, the trash truck!" Then I stumbled, bleary-eyed, back to the bed and threw myself across it as Doug stepped into the room and whispered, "It's only Monday. The trash guys come on Tuesday. That was a construction truck." Ugh.

Of course, now I was wide awake. I buried my head under the pillow. I heard Doug whistling a hymn in the shower. I fell out of bed to my knees and thought a quick prayer. Doug had already fixed himself breakfast, but he still needed a lunch for work so I headed down the stairs to the kitchen. As I prepared his bagel and threw a brownie and some fruit in a brown paper bag, I made a mental list of to-do stuff. The number of tasks grew long enough that I decided to write things down. As I pondered my priorities, I thought about my young friend. I offered a more sincere prayer and I remembered something important. I remembered who I am. I remembered that Heavenly Father placed me here at this time and in this place for a specific purpose.

Whoa! Just like that, my glass box exploded into a gazillion sparkling particles. As light filled my heart, I felt hope and peace and joy. It took  the desire to do the right thing. It took faith to get out of bed and pray and ask for strength and clarity of thought. That desire and those acts of faith invited the Spirit, which enlightened my mind and eliminated Satan's chatter of negativity.

I wrote my friend a new message. I told him how amazing he is and how grateful I am for his example and friendship to our family. I thanked him for helping me remember who I am and for bringing light back into my life! I told him that as he remembers who he is, he will know what path to take. And as he recognizes his purpose, he will succeed in all of his endeavors. It won't be easy. But it will be worth every ounce of effort he can give.

As I  continue fine tuning this blog, I hope to fulfill a purpose of strengthening home and family and sharing the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. What helps you discover or remember your purpose? What topics would you like to see discussed on this blog? I'm sure my passion for all good things - family, chocolate, baking, nature, music and books and food will all find a place here. Most of all, I hope that after you read my blog you'll feel hope and joy and know that you are loved!

 Looking at this picture of our daughter makes me smile! We have a big beautiful world at our feet!

hugs~
 

Pumpkin Seeds and Gopher Hills

I thought I would take a break from all things apple today. I got the kids off to school and hubby off to work and ran out the door for a yoga class. I have a love/hate relationship with yoga. If you've ever tried it, you understand. I love that since I began attending a regular yoga class, I haven't needed to see a chiropractor! I don't love the sore shoulders muscles so much. But that's actually improving.

After yoga and personal scripture study, I tackled my latest copy project. I made a lot of progress! Kati called just as I was taking a break, so I stepped outside to feel the sunshine on my face. I walked around the yard as we chatted, (all four of her children tested positive for strep...boo! but feeling much better already...yeah!) marveling at the convenience of cordless phones. Remember the days when we had to stand in one place to talk on the phone -unless you had one of those really long, stretchy cords? Remember twisting them around your finger, or stretching it as far away as you could so everyone at the table couldn't hear your conversation? LOL...You may be too young for that one. Wow.

Anyway...I wandered up the hill in the yard, enjoying the vibrant colors of fall while I talked to Kati and discovered this:

Holy Gopher Invasion , Batman! Where did that come from? (I put my foot in the picture as a sizer...yep...that mound is almost 6 feet across!) It wasn't there the other day! Hubby dear is not going to be pleased. This is war!

After saying goodbye to Kati, I decided to ignore the gopher challenge and tackle cleaning the refrigerator on the porch so that I could have another place to stash apples. My three-year-old granddaughter Rebekah called to talk. She prattered on and on about going to the splash pad at the park and "showed" me that she had new ice cream in the freezer, but that it is only for after dinner and how she really didn't want to wait until after dinner. Then she told me about her new baby and her Rapunzel doll and then said, "I love you Grandma. Bye!" and handed the phone to her mom (Elizabeth).

While cleaning out the fridge, and discovering I had another batch of applesauce waiting to be canned, I gave up trying to ignore apples and set up the canner. May as well, right? btw...have you ever tried spicing up your applesauce with cinnamon red hots? I didn't do it this batch...but it is super yummy!!! I use red hots in my pears, too. Makes everything a pretty pink!


I felt a little guilty about not opening my textbook while the bottles processed, but I opened up FaceBook anyway. I'm glad I did. I found this comment from our daughter, Brittany - a freshman and Northern Arizona University.


"This morning while studying in 3 Nephi, the answer to a math problem i had been getting frustrated about just popped into my head! I love the clarity the gospel can bring me :)"

Clarity indeed. My mother's heart filled with joy as I recognized the wonderful gifts I have been handed today. The worries and concerns that plagued me earlier in the day (like gopher mounds and looming projects) don't seem so important any more -- because they are all temporary things. Family is forever -- and that is how I make it through the day.

It's almost bed time. Levi is practicing his cello and I am munching on the pumpkin seeds that Micaela and I roasted yesterday. What? Did you think I would forget a recipe? No way! Sorry it's not about apples...but the whole "seeds and planting and harvest" thing put me in the mood for these:

Savory Roasted Pumpkin Seeds

4 - 5 cups of fresh pumpkin seeds, washed
4 Tablespoons melted butter
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt, (or a little more if you like, right Micaela?...inside joke!)
1 Tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

Preheat oven to 275 deg. Stir all the ingredients together in a large bowl and pour into baking pans in a thin layer. Bake for about an hour, (we actually needed almost 90 minutes, but I used one pan so the layer was really thick.) stirring every 10 - 15 minutes. Let cool and store in an airtight container or bag. WARNING: These are addicting...just sayin'.

toasty hugs~

Sing, Gloria!

Sometime last week, a friend in the ward mentioned on Facebook that he is a member of the Millennium Concert Choir and that they were participating in a performance of Lex de Azevedo's "Gloria: The Life of Christ, Part I - The Nativity." The production was scheduled to take place Friday and Saturday in the historic Provo Tabernacle in Provo, Utah. K-BYU was filming this free concert for a special television program.

We had been unable to get tickets for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert performing at the same time in Salt Lake City, so I was thrilled at the idea of attending "Gloria" and listening to music bearing witness of the Savior's birth. Not only was the performance free, but Lex de Azevedo was playing the piano, and George Dyer and Gregory Pearson were among the featured soloists. I love listening to those men sing! Lex de Azevedo has been one of my favorite composers for many years. Besides that, I wanted to support Randy and all the hard work the choirs had put into preparing the music.

I am told that by Thursday evening everything was ready at the Provo Tabernacle. K-BYU had stage settings in place for the soloists. The intricate stained-glass windows were back lit, and plants and flowers, sound equipment, and cameras all stood in place for the big event. The million-dollar organ and a brand new grand piano were tuned with the woodwinds, harp, and tympani.

About 3:00am Friday, December 17, 2010, disaster struck. A call to the Provo police and fire departments reported a fire burning in the tabernacle. By the time firemen arrived, the tabernacle roof was engulfed in flames. Firefighters battled the blaze inside the building as long as they could, but the heat soon became far too intense and they had to evacuate. A short time later, the architecturally distinct roof entirely collapsed. Everything was lost.

Choir members who heard the news early in the morning tried desperately to contact Brother de Azevedo. When they finally got in touch, like everyone else, Lex was devastated. He threw his hands in the air and declared a total loss. There would be no performance. This time, there would be no show to go on. The loss was too great, too insurmountable.

This wasn't the first time productions of "Gloria" faced challenges. Knowing this, Choir members refused to give up. Could there be any better time to share Christ's message of hope and peace and love? They broadcast frantic, hopeful phone calls, Facebook status's and text messages trying to find another venue where they could produce "Gloria." Lex remained unconvinced, but as he told the audience Friday night, his wife, Peggy asked him to consider that maybe Satan didn't want the show to go on. Maybe Lex just needed to fight a little harder. With a smile on her face, his daughter humored Lex by stating that she thought it was really all a conspiracy. When asked what she meant, she said,

"You know. It's a conspiracy by Kurt Bestor and Michael McLean!" The audience roared with laughter.

At the last moment, the Alpine Tabernacle was made available for the concert. More Facebook and text messages were sent. Street side banners went up. Television stations donated sound equipment and a harp and woodwind instruments were found. There was no time for decorations or special lighting. There would be no "Hollywood" magic. The concert would go on in its most pure and simple form.

Friday night, after a quick sound check, Lex de Azevedo stood at the podium and bore his testimony about the miracle of writing the music for "Gloria: The Life of Christ, Part I - The Nativity." After decades of writing music for the secular world, Lex determined that he wanted to set the story of the Savior's life, as written in the King James Bible, to music. He wanted to answer President Spencer W. Kimball's proclamation that the best music had yet to be written. He spent several months wrestling with his project. In trying to create a masterpiece, Lex described his efforts as turning out to sound like Mozart and Handel, but very bad Mozart and very bad Handel. Feeling his discouragement, Peggy lovingly told him he needed to stop competing with Handel and Mozart and just be the best Lex de Azevedo he could be. Lex described his epiphany as he recognized that while his gift differed from Handel and Mozart, he did have a gift. Then Lex said,

"When the competing ended, the music began to flow."

He taught us all that if we will be the best "us" we can be, angels will make up the difference. He also reminded us that all that was lost in the fire was bricks and mortar, temporal manifestations of something bigger that had first been created spiritually. Everything is created spiritually first. His music was created spiritually, before he put it on paper, and before the temporal representation in the performance. Unlike the loss of the temporal things, nothing can destroy the music. It will always be with us. It was when he realized these things, he agreed to do the performance in the Alpine Tabernacle.

I will never forget that night. The music in its pure and simple form did not need the glitz and glamour of special effects. As I sat in the Alpine Tabernacle with Doug and Levi, the Spirit witnessed to me the truthfulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ as the music carried the message of Christ's divinity deep into my heart.

For the first time, I stopped to seriously consider how the shepherds and prophets and wise men, and yes, Joseph and Mary felt as they witnessed prophecy being fulfilled. I remembered my personal experience when I first heard that the priesthood was finally being restored to all mankind, of every heritage. I don't know how to describe my feelings that day, except that I heard and felt the rushing wind as it carried the message around the world. I know exactly why the angels sang. I felt joy then -- and I felt it again Friday night as I witnessed God's word being spread, even through the challenge of loss and destruction. Nothing can destroy pure and simple truth.

[As a side note: An amazing story is now being circulated about a painting portraying the Second Coming surviving the fire. Initially, it survived undamaged, but the intense heat of the residual fire scorched all of the painting except for the Savior's portrait. Miracles never cease.]

Dogs, Friends, and Humility

Lesson of the week:

1 Dog + 1 open box of mouse poison = attempted doggie suicide.

I left the house just before 8:00 am to take the kids to school and head off to yoga. I returned home about 9:15am. Gentry greeted me with his usual doggie "Hi, I'm so glad you're home, something happened while you were gone" routine. Usually this means someone called and left a message, or someone came to the door, but he didn't let them in. There were no messages on the answering machine. We have had a number of burglaries in the neighborhood, so I began looking around the house to make sure doors were locked and everything was in place. When I got to the top of the stairs, I spotted a glue trap, upside down, in the middle of the hallway. When I picked the trap up and inspected it, I found white doggie hair on it; evidence that Gentry had been in forbidden territory--the master bedroom. I entered my room to replace the glue trap--we caught a mouse in there just the night before--and to my horror, discovered an empty container of mouse poison. Bits of the deadly stuff were scattered here and there around the chair, and I knew immediately that our mischievous pup had helped himself to a ride to doggie heaven. I ran down the stairs and looked him over. He seemed fine. He looked back at me with his usual doggie grin, lolling tongue, drool and all. I called my husband and asked him what he thought I should do. I knew I needed to call the vet, but I didn't know if we had the funds needed to pay for said vet. Doug told me to go ahead and take Gentry to the animal hospital to see what they could do.

At the animal hospital, Gentry took one step inside the doors and put on the brakes. The floor was slippery so I literally dragged the poor dog to the front desk. He was admitted immediately and the vet explained the entire procedure. One shot to make Gentry throw up anything left in his stomach. It was a good thing to take him in less than two hours after ingestion. It looked like most of the stuff he ate was still in his stomach. Another shot to give him Vitamin K. Another shot to bind up anything left in the intestinal tract. IV therapy to flush out his kidneys. Pick him up at 5:30pm and give him Vit. K tablets for the next three weeks. One trip to the vet, $350.00. Bringing home a healthy, living pet, priceless.

Today after yoga, I stopped to visit with a couple of other ladies in the class. I knew one gal from working out at Curves. She asked about the house situation in Phoenix. The other lady mentioned that her husband is a contractor and has been out of work for a year. Then she broke down and said that things have been so bad that her worst fear is that they will go through all of this and then her husband will die from all the stress. She stated that she is at the point that she would just rather die than have to endure any more. The three of us talked about personal experiences with challenges and depression. We shared ideas about how to cope and how we get through the toughest times. She mentioned her desire to write a book. I told her that I belong to a writer's group and we talked about that for a bit. She expressed and interest in ANWA and I told her I was trying to get a chapter started up here. She said she wants to come...then she said with excitement, "Finally, I have something to live for!"

Yep, it has been an interesting week. I wonder what -ity word I would apply to this week...definitely humility would be one of them. I do truly feel humbled that something I said or did could serve as a light for someone else in need. Serving others is the best pick-me-up of all. I love witnessing how when you share your light with others, your own light doesn't diminish, it gets brighter. What a miracle!

Week One of the -ity Experiment

Week One:
I decided to make a list of all the -ity words I could come up with:
charity, responsibility, integrity, accountability, fidelity, civility, nobility, humility, dignity, generosity, respectability, community, creativity, opportunity, curiosity, productivity, affinity, diversity, humanity, infinity, luminosity, necessity, equality, identity, reality, personality, tenacity, continuity, and insanity (we are so not going there!).

Next, I went to Google and looked up the suffix-ity. Google sent me to www.wordinfo.info/words where I found the following information.

"Latin: suffix used to form abstract nouns expressing act, state, quality, property, or condition corresponding to an adjective)"

There I found 18 pages of -ity words, many of which I either can't spell or pronounce, or they don't apply to the purpose of this blog. I did find sagacity, (which has possibilities) seniority ( getting there too fast as it is), and a really fun one - pecuniosity. It means: "The state or fact of being supplied with money." Now that is a fun -ity word that I am sure many of us would have no qualms about trying to develop! Serendipity was listed: "an accidental or chance discovery." Pseudoserendipity showed up as well: "A description of accidental discoveries of ways to achieve an end sought for, in contrast to the meaning of (true) serendipity, which describes accidental discoveries of things not sought for."

I had fun learning new -ity words, but I am not interested in developing a talent for sesquipedality ("The practice of using abnormally long words"). My goal is to develop states of being for myself that will bring me closer to who I really am: A daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me. A child of God. A spiritual Being having a mortal experience. I am reminded that no matter how many big words I learn, it always circles back to the basics of the gospel: Faith, repentance, baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost, obedience and enduring to the end. Developing those virtuous -ity qualities described by Bishop Burton will help me achieve my goal.

So, where do I begin? What -ity do I choose first? I'll narrow it down to the first 10 I listed earlier: responsibility, integrity, accountability, fidelity, civility, nobility, humility, dignity, generosity, charity. I moved charity to the end of the list because the Bible Dictionary describes charity as "The highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, not merely affection; the pure love of Christ. it is never used to denote alms or deed or benevolence, although it may be a prompting motive." 2 Nephi teaches us that if we have not charity, we are nothing...so I am hoping that as I come to develop the other nine -ity qualities, I will be more prepared to understand the concept of true charity.

Tomorrow...responsibility.